Abandoned One Too Many Times
by homesweethomicide13
Summary: He was abandoned one too many times. Now the Doctor's in trouble.


**Title:** Abandoned One Too Many Times  
**Author:** homesweethomicide13  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Mentions of Jack/Ianto, hints at Jack/9, Jack/10, Jack/11, Rose/9, Rose/10, Jack/Alonso  
**Warning:** Minor plot change  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Unfortunately.  
**Summary:** He was abandoned one too many times. Now the Doctor's in trouble.

_**Author's Note:** Just a quick one. This sort of went off on a tangent, but I liked how it ended up so I kept it this way. Possibility of a sequel, if people want one. Won't happen until next week though, at the earliest._

**Abandoned One Too Many Times**

It never occurred to him that one day he wouldn't have his loyal friend to fall back on. He never thought about the possibility of losing that loyal friend, and just when he really needed him, he'd find that his helping hand was no longer available. It was almost absurd to think that someone who'd remained by his side – if, most of the time, only in spirit – for so long would turn to him with cold, dead eyes full of hatred, loathing, and anger.

But looking at the Captain now, the Doctor knew he was no longer a friend.

It was actually heartbreaking to see those once bright, blue eyes that were always so full of life now look so dead. No longer did they sparkle with mischief, no longer did they have that little glint of amusement, that glorious glisten that made him seem so alive, so friendly… so human. Now they were just flat, cold, hard… a dull blue-grey. No sign of that mischievous sparkle, that amused glint. No glisten. His eyes were no longer those of a man so full of life. His eyes were now those of a cold, hard killer.

When he'd first met Jack, back when he was a conman, a rogue, devious and sly and what the Doctor would have naturally called a bad person, he'd still had that little sparkle in his eyes that told those who saw it that there was a good, honest heart underneath this deceiving exterior. Perhaps that was why he had taken him under his wing and invited him into his TARDIS in the first place.

He'd gotten used to Jack eventually – well, sort of. It would still take a week or so for him to finally get used to the constant flirting and the cheeky behaviour – most of which he found was directed at _him_, which was unusual. Especially in that particular regeneration. Still, despite his claims otherwise, he did enjoy it. Jack made him feel better about himself, and the friendly banter was always good for the atmosphere inside the TARDIS. And he made Rose laugh, and giggle like a schoolgirl, which was always an amusing sight. Yes, life in the TARDIS had been more relaxed and fun with Jack Harkness around.

Then they were parted on Satellite 5 – the Game Station – and everything went wrong. He sent Rose home, Jack risked his life – and died. Then Rose brought him back, all the way back, and his Time Lord senses kicked into life and he ran, ran away from him, scared of what he had become. A fixed point in time and space, not meant to exist… wrong.

He lied to Rose that day. She didn't remember him dying, or her bringing him back to life. He told her he had stayed behind to help fix up Earth, as if it was his decision and he had been happy to make it. He couldn't have told her the truth. Rose would have made him go back for Jack… and he couldn't stomach it. Could never look into those eyes again, knowing exactly what he was. He knew what it was like to live on whilst everyone died. He couldn't live with the fact that Jack's loyalty to him had ended up cursing him in the worst way possible.

Then he regenerated.

A new face, a new man. Thoughts of Jack had been pushed aside, and then he was off again with Rose, travelling the stars and getting into all sorts of trouble. Occasionally he and Rose would share a look, as if to say 'if Jack was here, he'd be doing this right now', but the words were never spoken between them. It hurt too much for him to talk about it, and Rose was too hurt from believing Jack didn't wait to say goodbye.

He'd allowed Mickey in the TARDIS because he'd hoped that maybe it would bring back the old atmosphere, but despite Mickey's contribution to the fun, he'd never be Jack. No one in the whole universe could replace Jack. But there was something in Mickey that did remind him of the Captain – the bravery. And when Mickey decided to stay in the parallel universe, fighting aliens and saving the world, he let him go, because that's what Jack would have done.

Of course, he should have known he'd lose both of them eventually. He still can't look at that accursed tower in London without thinking of Rose, and what happened to her. If she'd only held on a little longer… It was useless to think like that, of course. Nothing could change what happened. He couldn't cross his own timeline. That was one thing even the Time Lords couldn't do.

The mad Christmas with Donna showed him how lonely he really felt. There was even one moment where he thought to himself 'Jack would get on beautifully with this fiery woman'. Her attitude reminded him of Jack, determined and not going to let anyone walk over her. Maybe that, combined with the terrible sense of loneliness, was why he asked her to travel with him. She'd said no, and that was that. He'd wandered through the TARDIS that night, with no one around to talk to it was all he could do. It was probably down to the TARDIS, but he ended up outside the room Jack had used. He didn't go in. He wanted to, wanted to find something of his and just hold it, remember him, but he didn't. He just turned around, and walked off again.

But… then came Martha, and okay yes, she started out as a sort-of rebound from Rose, but eventually he began to enjoy her company for what it was – a friend, a companion, someone to share the experiences with so he wasn't on his own. Landing in Cardiff for the pit stop was probably a bad idea – there were plenty of rifts around the universe, and he could have used them – but in truth he wanted to remind himself of that day in Cardiff all those years ago. And then Martha mentioned the earthquake, and the memories came flooding back: Jack opening the doors when Mickey knocked; Jack complaining that he never got any affection from him; him telling Jack to buy him a drink first; having that nice lunch in the café over the water; chasing Margaret the Slitheen; the tribophysical waveform microkinetic extrapolator; Margaret regressing into an egg; Jack's delight at going to Raxacoricofallapatorius.

What made it worse was, seconds later, the image of Jack Harkness running towards him on the TARDIS screen.

Half of him wanted to throw open the doors and welcome him home – because that's what it had started to feel like. But unfortunately the other half of him won the inner battle and set the TARDIS to dematerialise before Jack could reach it. Of course, stubborn as always, Jack wasn't going to give up that easily. Landing in the year 100 trillion and spotting Jack lying on the ground, dead, was almost too much for him.

It was awkward. The first thing he did was meet the Captain's eyes. It was a relief to see that, although looking a lot older, they were still the same beautiful, alive, glistening eyes of _his_ Captain. And then he said it. 'You abandoned me'. Yes, he did abandon him, and he felt so bad about it. He couldn't say that, not in front of Martha. So he made an excuse, and they moved on. He felt a familiar warmth in his heart when he saw how relieved Jack was at hearing the news that Rose wasn't dead, after all. The hug they shared reminded him of the hug they'd shared on the Game Station, ironically also after discovering Rose wasn't dead.

It felt good having Jack with him again. Despite the obvious threats involved in the adventure, the danger and then the horrifying return of the Master, he enjoyed having Jack along as his companion again. He made it fun, interesting. And he did enjoy scolding him for flirting with everything – that felt like the old days. Jack had changed a little, having grown up a bit more in nature and he was a bit more hardened than before. No doubt a result of the stuff he'd lived through. That moment when Jack was beneath the rocket, talking seriously about his condition… the Doctor realised he really did feel something for Jack.

The Year That Never Was. A year that he would never forget, no matter how old he got. He would remember every death Jack survived. He'd remember every scream of agony, every determined, stubborn laugh in the Master's face, every word of complete loyalty and trust in him and Martha. Jack was loyal to the end. He was tortured for him. And, the Doctor knew, he'd do it all again. For him.

He knew Jack loved him, just as he'd loved Rose. He'd known even before Jack had kissed him goodbye on the Game Station. He knew Martha had a thing for him, too, but no one could replace Rose. Just like no one could replace Jack. They were his companions, his two friends… the only two to ever work their way into his heart for quite some time. His Rose. His Jack, his Captain.

He asked Jack to travel with him, because he wanted him back. Seeing the things Jack did for him, even after he'd abandoned him, called him 'wrong' to his face… it made him realise just how much he needed him. But Jack was with Torchwood now. At first that had angered him. He couldn't believe Jack was a part of it. But he believed Jack when he said it was changed. He'd changed Torchwood in his name, in his honour. That touched him, though he hadn't shown it at the time. And maybe… maybe Jack had moved on, because when he mentioned his team, there was something in his eyes that said there was another reason he wanted to stay in Cardiff, in Torchwood, defending the Earth. So he let him go.

The next time he saw Jack, it was a lovely surprise. He'd picked up Donna again, this time willing to travel with him all over the stars. Then the Earth disappeared, along with the other planets, and he was dragged through into the Medusa Cascade to find them again – and that's when his companions appeared on the TARDIS screen. Jack, naturally, appeared delighted to see him, and then demanded to know where he'd been. He saw, in the background, a woman and a man, assuming them to be Jack's loyal team.

Jack came to him when he needed him, as he always did, as the Doctor knew he always would. Rose returned to him at the same time, almost like fate. He had his two friends back in his TARDIS… only it was a shame he was about to regenerate. By chance, the hand that Jack had kept in a jar – his Doctor detector – in order to find him, which he had then left in the TARDIS after the deal with the Master, came in extra handy in this instant, as he used it to get rid of the excess regeneration energy. He wasn't quite ready to change yet.

Again, what started out as a horrific event, with a chance of a chaotic ending, eventually became just another adventure that he pulled through with the help of his companions. He had a clone, now, and Donna had his mind. Three Doctors, in total. Jack made him smile, just like he used to, by being very typical Jack when it was revealed that there were three Doctors – 'I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now'. He didn't need to. The Doctor knew just what he was thinking.

It was strange to see Jack and Martha walk off, hand-in-hand. He found himself comparing it to one of his old adventures with Jack and Rose, remembering how he'd stopped to watch them, walking together, hand-in-hand. He was letting Jack go, again, when he desperately wanted him along. But he knew why Jack kept leaving, returning to his team. He'd seen the little flicker of adoration, and love, when the smart young man at Torchwood had appeared on the screen. Jack may have loved him once, but now he had this young man. He only hoped things wouldn't go as wrong for Jack as they often did for him.

He swore then that he would run to help Jack the second he needed it, just like Jack always ran to help him.

Unfortunately, that didn't work out as he intended.

Too late, he heard about the 456. Too late, he heard about the destruction of Roald Dahl Plass, and of Torchwood. Too late, he heard of Ianto's death. Too late. When he arrived in Cardiff, he came across Gwen Cooper, standing with a young baby and her husband Rhys in front of a memorial plaque – the names upon it read _Owen Harper – Toshiko Sato – Ianto Jones – Captain Jack Harkness_. Gwen told him about what happened. It broke his heart to learn that Jack had fallen into the same habit he had. Running away, because you dare not look back.

He searched for him. He told himself he wasn't doing it, that he was just travelling the stars to try and lighten his mood. But everywhere he went, he looked for Jack, hoping he'd spot him. He never did. He actually resorted to asking the locals of wherever he went if they'd seen him. No one had. Wherever Jack was, he was keeping a low profile, which was very much unlike him.

He temporarily forgot about Jack when he ended up on Mars, and the whole Bowie Base One events took over his whole focus. And then he was told that his song was ending soon. He was going to die.

It was true. He thought he'd beaten it, but then… defeating the Time Lords, the Master sacrificing himself to finish them off… he'd beaten them both. And it was radiation that killed him. Radiation. He got one last chance to see his companions before it happened. By chance he overheard Jack's name, asked his whereabouts. That was how he found him. He looked older still, and depressed. The Doctor managed to direct an old friend of his, Alonso Frame – sorry, Midshipman Alonso Frame – to the same bar, and he gave Jack a way to introduce himself. He wasn't Ianto, and it wasn't an attempt to replace the young Welshman, but he wanted to give Jack someone who might make him a little happier.

And despite everything, Jack still saluted him, a sign of his ongoing loyalty.

But now… looking at his Jack, his Captain… it was like looking at someone completely different. This wasn't his Jack. This was someone new. He'd been in trouble, he knew that. Facing the Daleks, the Cybermen, the Sontarans… every enemy he'd made in the past had assembled in front of him. They were going to trap him inside that box, while the TARDIS exploded with River inside it, whilst the world crumbled around Amy…

And then he'd walked forward from the crowd of gathered aliens. Long military coat swirling around his legs as he walked, eyes hard and determined – Captain Jack Harkness. He'd felt relieved at the sight of him. Jack had come to help him, again. His Captain had come to him when he needed him. He could always rely on Jack to come to his rescue.

Or so he thought.

He never expected Jack to shove the Roman soldiers aside and grab him, start dragging him towards the Pandorica. This wasn't meant to happen. Jack was his friend, his companion! But it was Jack who shoved him inside, locked him in place. And when he met the Doctor's eyes, he knew. He knew he had abandoned Jack one too many times. Jack always came running to help him. He never once came running to help Jack.

And as the Pandorica closed, Jack said just five words.

"You could have saved him."


End file.
